what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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