yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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