I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
