So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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