PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
