idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
