Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
