I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
