i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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