I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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