I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
