Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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