if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
