she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
