so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
