i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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