I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize