Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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