He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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