whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
