whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
