she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
