I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
