census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just high enough for therapy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize