did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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