That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
