and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
