An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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