Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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