Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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