..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
