Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
