Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
