i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
