dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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