are you still at the devil's house?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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