I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
