Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
