Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches