we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
