Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
