if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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