When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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