Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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