there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
