just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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