At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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