Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
