I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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