It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
