maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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