Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
