I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
