The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
