wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I believe in your delicious
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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