Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
