Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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