So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
