You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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