i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
