she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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