The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
