Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
