I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
