My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
