You're so nebulous sometimes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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