9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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