OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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