when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
