What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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