White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
