I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
