Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
