mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
