bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
