she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
